Farewell, 'Gong Gong'

My grandfather has finally left us.. 11.35pm, 22nd July 2003 at the age of 93.. He died peacefully, in front of my relatives back in Segamat.. He has gone.. I knew this day would come since 2 weeks ago.. I knew he would leave us soon... Yet I still couldn't accept the fact that he left..

I was on the phone talking to sayang when I got an SMS from my cousin brother, Loon, that night. "Gong gong passed away already". Just these 5 words... These 5 words were enough for me to break down.. I woke daddy & mummy up, the phone calls from Segamat started coming in... And we were back in Segamat the next morning..

It was just during the afternoon that I told my colleagues that I probably wouldn't make it for the departmental trip, that I wanted to go back to Segamat to see my grandfather that Saturday. Even during dinner, I was just discussing with daddy & mummy about going back to see him.. I just never thought that he would leave us that night itself.. Leaving behind his wife, 9 children, 34 grandchildren, and 16 great grandchildren..

One of my relatives told me how that night, he asked to speak to my relatives one by one... How he told them to stay united, to forgive and to forget... How he told my youngest cousin brother to study hard... How he asked them to take care of my grandmother... How he told them to offer joss sticks to the Gods... How they laid him on the lazy man chair, everyone gathering around him... How he kept asking why did he have to suffer, why did the Gods keep him alive still... How he shed so much of tears... How he told them to chant for him... How one of my uncles told him that he promised to take care of my grandmother, when he finally closed his eyes slowly and slept forever... He died the way he wanted to die, in that half-sitting half-lying down position.. With his family surrounding him..

I cried a lot for the next 3 days, during the funeral procession.. I kept looking at my grandfather, laid in the coffin.. I got to touch his forehead before they sealed up the coffin. He looked so fragile and thin, in his smart grey coat and pants.. One hand holding his favourite 'fatt jee' (black, beaded bracelet), the one my mum bought for him from China. Daddy put my grandfather's favourite 'tongkat' (wooden walking stick) in too, so that he could follow his 'master', Pak Sin Gong (the Beggar God). The hired band would play Teresa Teng's songs, and people would be flooding in to pay their last respects to my grandfather.

We went through a lot of sessions of praying, kneeling and walking.. When we were not doing that, we would be folding paper money, or listening to my grandmother's stories about my grandfather, how they met and all. When daddy was clearing up my grandfather's drawers, we found a few of my graduation photos, and even a copy of my maternal grandfather's obituary when he passed away on January 1997.. I got to learn how, despite being poor,he managed to take care of all his 9 children, yet he could even afford to take care of his other nieces and nephews. I even remembered how he would always tell me stories about his life, how he would always give me some pocket money whenever I went back to visit him or whenever he came over to KL for a visit, how he would always smile when I spoke Hakka badly, how he would be happy whenever I told him that I did well in my exams, or when I graduated.

I miss being with him and I miss having him around.. 2 weeks ago when I left Segamat, I said goodbye to him, I never thought that it would be the last goodbye. When I gave him some money (as I always did whenever I go back to visit him), I never thought it would be the last time. As I rode in the hearse to the cemetery, together with my family, my uncles and my grandfather's coffin, I remembered all that, and I regretted not saying a proper goodbye to him before he breathed his last and final breath. As the undertakers buried the coffin underground, the band played 'Auld Lang Syne', and I just couldn't help crying, knowing that I would never see him again, I would never see his smile, I would never see him coming home from his favourite coffeeshop hangout, I would never hear him asking "Sip pau mau?" (in Hakka, "have you eaten?")..

If my grandfather could hear me now, I would want to tell him that I love him a lot and that I will miss him very, very much. I hope that he would live a brand new and a happy life wherever he is now. Goodbye, "gong gong"... Rest in peace...

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be

That you are mine forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Every day

Coz you are mine forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe that angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breathe away's not far
To where you are

~~ Josh Groban - To Where You Are ~~

Internal QA Audit

The company's having an internal audit for 3 days starting today. R&D Dept has been scheduled for this afternoon. A bit nervous. Colleagues and I are busy doing last minute preparation, sorting out the forms and procedures, memorizing the Quality Policy & Objective, explaining to ourselves the difference between Verification and Validation... Heheh... All also 'gabra' now... In Cantonese term, 'kan cheong'. Kkekeke...

Grandfather Is Dying

I eventually went back to Segamat on Saturday. It was nerve-wrecking. In the morning, Daddy said that Grandfather was in stable condition and looked better than the day before. Suddenly, come afternoon, Mummy was desperate to arrange for me to go back to Segamat. One of my cousin sisters, Chui jie jie called me and told me that "Gong gong has no hope", and that she would fetch me to Segamat. What do you mean "no hope"? How could this be? He was fine in the morning! Daddy called me back to confirm the transportation arrangement, he told me, and I just cried at that point.

Grandfather was fine earlier on, but there was a sudden change in the afternoon. The Doctor called the family to go over to the hospital. He told them that Grandfather's blood pressure was very low. He's anemic. He discharged Grandfather, told them to bring him home and to "be prepared". Be prepared for what?? How can the doctor just discharge him like that? Couldn't he think of something to save him? So we're supposed to, like, bring him home and wait until his heart and lungs fail???

I couldn't think straight then. I couldn't even drive properly. Luckily sayang took over the wheel.. I packed as soon as I could, Chui jie jie fetched me and we hit the highway 1 hour later. Throughout the journey, I kept praying that if Grandfather is really "going", please let us see him for the final time, please let him see us for one last time. By the time I reached Segamat, my relatives were there. I went to see him in the room. He was sleeping. He looked so fragile and weak. But he could still talk, could still recognize us, he was just very, very weak. Grandfather looked better yesterday, though. Thank God! Yet I still can't accept the fact why the doctor just want to discharge him just like that. Aren't doctors not supposed to give up even till the last minute?

We came back home last afternoon. At least we knew Grandfather was OK at the moment. But we're leaving our mobile phones switched on, put the house's ringing tone to Loud. If anytime any of our relatives call about Grandfather, we'll head back to Segamat straight away. I don't know when is he "going".. I don't want to know.. I don't want to see him go.....

Grandfather

Got a call from Daddy while at work an hour ago. He & Mummy was on their way back to Segamat. He said that Grandfather is very sick. They don't know how long they will be in Segamat. I didn't know what to do. I called my cousin brother, Loon to ask him about Grandfather's condition. He called me back, told me that, according to his mum (my dad's sister), Grandfather had an asthma attack late last night. And he had a fall too. My relatives admitted him into the Segamat Hospital this morning. Loon will keep me informed. If Grandfather's condition becomes worse, I will follow Loon back to Segamat.

I'm worried coz I don't know how is Grandfather now... I don't know how serious is his condition.. I'm worried coz he's 93 years old... He's been falling sick frequently the past 1 year, and he's been admitted into the hospital a number of times. I'm worried that he's really failing to the extend of... Of... I don't think I can say that word out loud.. I just hope my worst fears won't come true.. Not yet... Not now.. I'm not ready to accept that fact yet...

Tai Lou's Newborn

We went to visit Edmund & his family at the Maternity Clinic in Klang last night. Rajesh fetched me, headed over to Hochai & Chih Chien's place. Hochai drove us in his new car. Had dinner at Syed's near PJ Hilton. Please do not try the maggi goreng there. It's not like any maggi goreng, this is maggi mee with black sauce! Eeeewwww... Spoilt my appetite. Anyway, after dinner, we went to the Maternity Clinic, opposite Menara Trend. Visited the family for about an hour. Then seeing that Edmund & Shirley were both very exhausted, we left, and went to SS2's Swensen's for ice-cream.

I tell you, Gerald is soooooooo cute.... Soooooooo, soooooooooooo cute!!! Edmund said he has Shirley's looks. Edmund told us how the whole thing was, how he kept telling Shirley to push even harder, and that she was giving up already.. I can't imagine the pain and the fear they were both going through.. But at the end of the day, all that mattered was the support Edmund gave to Shirley throughout the whole pregnancy and the delivery, finally, together, welcoming their firstborn child into the world. :) I'm just soo.... Speechless... Sooo overwhelmed with mixed feelings.. I just don't know what to say.. Gosh.. He's so tiny and fragile.. His hands are sooo small, what's more, the fingers... He was sleeping and at times, he was yawning... Was even making pouty look.. Hehe... And sometimes, he would be trying to open his eyes to see us... Aaawwwww....... Soooooo cute!! Managed to snap some digital photos of him. Will try to post it up soon. :)

Looking back to the good old days, it just finally sank in upon us that Edmund's now a father. A father! A proud father of his newborn son, in fact! Hochai was recalling how, when we came back from Sheffield and went for a trip to Hochai's place (Malacca), and we were walking from his house to his car, Rajesh told him that "This is it.. This is where it ends.. This is where our life change". How true that was. We've all grown up, chasing the big $$, and even Edmund has now settled down and started his own family. But what Hochai said last night, was right, the most important thing is that, despite all that, despite living our own lives, all 6 of us are still able to meet up, especially on such historical and memorable occasions like these, and we can still talk about anything, about everything.

I'm being nostalgic here already.. So I'll just end today's post with a big dedication to the Sunflowerian family - Edmund, Rajesh, Hochai, Chih Chien & Chin Haw.. I dedicate you guyz the song by Vitamin C..

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year, we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didnt know much of love but it came too soon
And there was me and you and then we got real cool
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can we ever find a job that won't interfere with a tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

La, la, la, la... Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la... We still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us around?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever....

~~ Vitamin C - Graduation (Friends Forever) ~~

Stork Arrival To The Sunflowerian Family

Edmund & Shirley's little Gerald has arrived!!!!!!!! Hoooooorayyyyy!!!! Congratulations, Edmund & Shirley!!!!! Edmund sounded very tired over the phone, but yeah, definitely excited. Hehehe.. So am I! We've already planned to visit them tonight.. I can't wait, though! Can't wait to see how little Gerald looks like.. Whose features he inherit from.. How big he really is (He's almost 8 pounds).. Gosh.. An additional member to the Sunflowerian family.. Hehhee.... Shall remember to bring Dadd's digital camera along. :) Ohhh... Can't wait!!!!

My Name

Got the meanings of "AMANDA" and "MANDY" from the Kabalarians site. Hehe.. I would say that Mandy's description fits me more... Hhm.. I wonder why.. Could it be the fact that my relatives and my babysitter used to call me that since I was born, and that my colleagues call me that too?

Let's analyze the descriptions...
* Appreciation for many beautiful and refined aspects of life--music and art, literature, drama ==> Very true, especially music
* Outdoors, where you find peace and relaxation ==> True, I like serenity
* You sense and feel much that you do not understand, and sometimes you are alarmed at your thoughts and wonder about their origin ==> Very true, I think too much and too deep
* Other times you are aloof and choose to remove yourself entirely from association ==> Yup, I prefer to stay away from the "crowd"
* Inability to express your inner thoughts ==> Very true, causing people to mis-interprete and misunderstand me most of the time
* Friendly, approachable and generous person ==> I hope so! ;)
* Good-natured, though at times you can be blunt and sarcastic ==> Hehe... Yes yes, unintentionally
* Naturally talkative ==> True, especially if you know me very well, I can *po peh po peh* non stop
* Sympathetic and generous to those in difficult or unfortunate circumstances ==> Yup, I often lend a listening ear, leaning shoulder and a helping hand to whoever needs it
* Artistic, creative abilities that you could express through music or singing, or in a practical way, through sewing or interior decorating ==> Very, very true! I can play the piano for hours! And oh no... Looks like I'm a proven "grandma" for my love on cross-stitching. All I need now is a rocking chair. Hehe..
* Emotion and feeling, the desire to be carefree, friendly and happy, are the driving forces in your being, rather than shrewdness, ambition and material success ==> Very true, especially in work. I'm not into chasing $$, but rather the experience that comes along in whatever I do. Even if I'm being paid very, very much lower than the average market value, I'm fine with that. As long as I'm happy doing whatever I'm doing, or it's my passion, that is all that matters. :)
* You could experience headaches, or problems with your teeth, ears, eyes, or sinuses ==> How true! I get occasional headaches, I've had braces, I have a slight hearing problem, I don't have perfect eye sight and I always have problems with my eyes, and I DO get sinuses almost everyday!

Hhm... So, the equation is....
3/4 of "AMANDA" + 3/4 of "MANDY" = ME!!! ;)

But of course, that's how I view myself. What do you think? Do the descriptions fit me?