How Heavy Are You?

Everyone I come across would ask me that. People that pass me by would be caught staring at me, which unfortunately is definitely not because I'm gorgeous or anything like that. It's the kind of stare that says "Oh my gawd, she's soooooo thin!" You know how a matchstick man looks like? Yes, I look exactly like that. I look pretty much like a bamboo stick, short one though.

Over the years, I'm being told that I'm like those North Korean famine, or I'm being asked if I'm anorexic or "tak cukup makan ke?". I'm no way any of them. The problem is that I am thin. Blame it on the genes, if you want to. I love to eat, mind you. I just don't eat a lot at one go, but I take many meals. When after I'm full, maybe 1 hour later or so, I'm hungry again.

I never understand why would people love to be as thin as me. To be honest, I hate the way I look. I want some fat! Let me rephrase that.. I DESPERATELY want some fat!! If you must know, I'm only 36-38 kgs. For my height, I should be 48 kgs. The most I managed to go to was 42 kgs, when I was in Sheffield, but I lost them right after I came back to Malaysia. *Sighz* It's nothing to be envious about my weight, really. I fall sick easily.. I get injured too easily.. I can't even donate blood.. I can't help around much especially when carrying things.. I easily get blown away. Yup, the last statement is true. Back in Sheffield, I got caught off balance several times during the windy days. There were a few times when it was tooooo windy, that I just couldn't move forward. It was THAT bad! It was a good thing that I always had at least someone walking with me. Literary, they kept me grounded. Hehehe..

How did I manage to gain some weight back then? Let's see.. Every morning, I would have 2 half-boiled eggs, a bowl of cereal and a cup of hot chocolate. I would walk 40 mins to the uni, with a couple of Snickers bars in which during each lectures, I would munch a bar. Then I would get sandwiches from the cafeteria for lunch. During the walk back home, I would stop by at Broomhill Friery and get a packet of hot, fresh, salty & vinegar-ish chips (a.k.a fries) and munch them till I reach home. Once at home, I would have a cup of hot chocolate and some 5-for-£2 cream biscuits from Jack Fulton with the gang in the kitchen. Then we would have home-cooked dinner, which would always be in big portions since there were 5 guyz and me (Guyz always tend to eat a lot!). After dinner, we would have Granny Smith or Royal Gala apples, or any other fruits while watching tv. Few hours later, we would be munching cream biscuits again and have another cup of hot chocolate before the day ends. During weekends, we would have packets of frozen pizzas, lasagnes, spaghetti, Shephard's Pie and loads of potatoes. Gosh... That sounds a lot, huh?

I don't know if this method works over here in Malaysia, but I'm trying. I even joined the PanGlobal Club early this year, hoping that gym would at least help me gain some muscle, which hopefully would eventually become fats. I did mention before that my New Year's resolution is to gain some weight. I still have 4 more months to achieve that. I'm freaking tired of being this thin. And please, don't judge me on your first impression of me that I'm on a diet. I'm not what you think that "girls nowadays ahh.. Always want to diet... Always want to look slim slim". I love chocolates. I love ice-creams. I love pasta. I would take anything fattening or do anything just to reach that 40 kgs mark again.

If you have any ideas, please do let me know. I'd truly appreciate it. For the mean time, I shall pack my gym bag and head over to PanGlobal Club now. Hhhm... I'll probably dip in the pool as well... It's so hot today. :)